As promised, I am attempting to answer these 30 questions on this blog to teach my children about their Mom (aka me). So, here goes #28 on the list – “What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?” :
I am about to blow a mega-romance opportunity here, but my favorite quality about your Daddy isn’t his proposal, or his ability to plan an amazing date, or bring home flowers just because.
We’re honestly both considerably bad at those things – today’s his birthday, and the most unique thing I did was have him pick out last week’s ‘date night’ location: The Cheesecake Factory. Most days, we are pretty boring, and he lets me pick out where we go out to eat. And most days, I’m really happy about that.
Because my favorite quality about your Daddy is that he is, in many ways, my constant. I don’t know how to better word it, other than to say, your Daddy isn’t going anywhere and I love his faithfulness to me. I can honestly say I have not worried one day in my life if he would be with someone other than me – like ever, and that’s something that further along this race, means more and more to me. He is completely in love with me, in a way that I honestly, many days, find hard to believe because it’s not always logical (to me). He’s a really attractive guy – he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s kind, he’s good looking, he’s hardworking, etc. – and I often feel insecure that I can’t bring all of those same qualities to him in myself. A lot of times I feel like I’m the recipient of something I really don’t deserve, because a lot of his qualities, are not found in me.
And intertwined with that quality, is the fact that he is the gentlest – and most meticulous – person I’ve ever met. In every conceivable way. I vividly remember the one time I’ve heard him curse – when we were 18 and outside a hotel after my ‘friends’ partied on as I sobbed for getting a ticket my first night at FSU. I didn’t know that people could just ‘shut down’ in fights and that they didn’t have to yell at one another or have a blow up and leave. And maybe that’s why, in typing this, I feel like I’m writing the lamest ‘why I love ____’ post of all time. Because maybe the qualities I find overwhelming significant in your Daddy, may not seem that way to you since you are (hopefully) growing up in many ways different than me.
I think, that the parts I find most attractive in your Dad, are the ones that were really big holes in how I grew up. (Caveat: I don’t hate (all of) my childhood, I like parts of it a lot, and other parts, I would never want to re-live. It’s a lot more gray than I’m making it out to be here.). They are the parts that I would have loved to have more than anything most days – stability and one home. Your Dad in many ways is ‘my home’ as we’ve navigated from place-to-place these last 5 years of marriage (which brings me an unimaginable amount of anxiety). And just like any good home, the ability for him to be my safe place, where I can unwind and be my complete self, is such an amazing gift to me. It’s something that I think a lot of people who grew up in a two-parent home can easily take for granted – because it just is and you don’t know any differently.
The things I love about your Dad are the things that weren’t before. But they are now, and I hope you grow in gratitude and expectation for them in the years to come for your own relationships. Yes, your Daddy isn’t perfect, and there are parts of him that are more exciting than I’m making them to be in this description, but for the most part, he’s selfless and loving in spectacularly boring ways – doing the dishes so I don’t wake up to a mess in the morning, watching you both so I can blog (like now), and faithfully going to work each day to make our life together possible.
And for that, I’m really, really grateful.