Right now, my friend, Lydia is here. Watching the chitlens while I do…? I haven’t quite decided how I’m going to start using this time, but I’ve decided this much – I’m going to have it. I am going to now have a Mother’s Helper for a couple hours every other week as a start, and see how it goes.
And I feel really selfish about it because I’m in Tom’s room hiding from my children and claiming to be ‘working’. I’m editing photographs like a mad woman to make *long* overdue photobooks and order pictures for family for *long* overdue Christmas presents – because I had a baby the end of November and the world stopped. (I did finish Christmas present thank you cards and organize Marin’s annual ornament to ship with me to Florida in two weeks, so that counts for something, right?).
But this time, in the long run, is going to be my time – to re-organize and re-think. I have a Visiting Mom come to my home once a week, and she was here this morning despite the piles of snow everywhere that make parking seem impossible. And she said something that struck me a bit because it hadn’t fully dawned on me what the ‘what?’ was that drains me so much with two kids than it didn’t with one (as my ovaries already fight my logic and waistline thinking of how much I can’t wait for a third…) –
I can’t re-think. I can think enough to know that I should be thinking about something, but my mind no longer has time to drift and daydream and explore that thought. It’s crippling for me.
I can think that I need to do the laundry, but I can’t re-think as to when it will fit into my day. I can think that I need to really figure out what we should do about Marin’s potty training regression, but I can’t re-think what is actually best for everyone at this point because I’m too busy doing (at least) a load of laundry a day because Marin has peed in her panties and Isaac pooped through three outfits today. And I can’t re-think what brand of diapers I should buy to see if the problem with Isaac pooping through all his outfits is me, or the diapers, or different skill sets. You get the point.
Re-thinking is a priority for me. Just like blogging. If I can’t evaluate the thoughts that run through my mind all day effectively, then I can’t act effectively. And by the end of the day, my mind is racing as my body is collapsing from it all, and that’s a problem for me. And if it’s a problem for me, then it’s a problem for my kids and my husband, and overall, my family.
So I’m going to start re-thinking some things. And the first thought on the chopping block is preschool. (More to come on that soon.)